Budget cuts

It’s not that I can’t hear, or that I don’t pay attention.

Okay, maybe it’s a little bit of both, but mostly I misunderstand words because more often than not I have three people talking to me all at once, about completely random things that are unrelated to anything I’m doing, so my poor frazzled brain just tries to piece things together.

For example, last Saturday evening we had just arrived back home after a quick overnight getaway.  I was in the kitchen trying to make dinner.  The dog was underfoot reminding me that not only had we abandoned her at the doggie hotel, but she hadn’t been fed in like three hours, which is like 85 hours in doggie time.

Our oldest was outside on the front deck, starting some kind of motor that sounded like it was about to make it’s way through the wall.  The youngest was in the family room, happily flipping through TV channels, and she shouted:

“Mom, what are Jurassic Butter Cuts?”

“I dunno, like huge, ancient slabs of butter.”

“No”, she giggles, “Drastic butter cuts.”

“What? That doesn’t even make sense…like something that is severely lacking in greasy salty goodness…”

And then from somewhere down the hallway…”Hey, where’s my briefcase?”

“Why do you need your briefcase?”

“I can’t find my briefcase.”

“Wait.  You’re missing your briefcase?  It’s Saturday night, why do you even need it?”

“My TOOTHPASTE, where is the TOOTHPASTE?”

“Oh, well that’s probably still in the overnight bag.”

“You packed the toothpaste?  The whole big tube?”

“Uh, yes.  Why the hell would someone not pack the whole tube?  How would you even pack part of a tube…?”

…and then back from the family room…

“No, MOM! Drastic BUDGET cuts! What is that!?”

“Oh honey, that’s like what would happen if Mommy had to start buying wine from the bottom shelf.”