“Did anybody feed the dog!?”
“Yes. She’s been fed.”
“Then why is she standing in the kitchen staring at me?”
“I promise I fed her.”
“She’s just trying to get fed again,” I butted in on the conversation going on between father and son, “She’s lying. She does that you know.” And then I looked down at our goofy black dog, “Liar liar, pants on fire!”
“Mom, don’t call the dog a liar!”
“She doesn’t care, as long as I say it in a happy tone, then she thinks it’s just as great as when I tell her she’s the smartest dog in the world.”
Which is also a lie. We think she’s the best dog in the world, but she thinks squirrels are the most evil thing on the planet and last week she ate a broken crayon that was on the floor next to her food dish. So I think its safe to say, that maybe, in the grand scheme of things, she might not be the most intelligent creature ever.
“Well still, Mom…she doesn’t wear pants.”
“Maybe that’s why she always has such a funny look on her face, she feels goofy that she’s wandering around without pants on.”
“She must feel really embarrassed, she doesn’t even wear underpants!”
“Underpants is a weird word, they are like the garment that doesn’t even get it’s own name, they’re just described by their location.”
Which is true, we don’t call socks “under shoes”, or bras “under shirts”, but there are already under shirts, so would bras be “under under shirts”?. Of course you could go the other direction and call socks “over feet”, but then the bra and underwear descriptions get awkward.
So we’ve determined that our dog is a liar who doesn’t wear over-butts.
Also? It’s definitely time for us all to go back to work and school…