Communication

Communication. That’s a long word.  That’s a hard word.

Take this morning for example, I asked, what I thought was, an easy question:

“Do you want a poached egg?”

“No thanks.  Wait!  What?”

“A poached egg.”

“Poached?”

“Yes! Do you want a poached egg?”

“OH! Yes please.”

Well that seemed hard. And just to be clear, we have poached eggs at least twice a week, it’s not new, it’s not like she has had only scrambled eggs for ten years and now all of a sudden I’m throwing out this strange new boiling thing.  They are a very familiar breakfast menu item.

However, many, many times, when I talk to my family they look at me like I’m speaking a different language.  That’s a lie, they don’t look at me.

They just hear a noise and respond, “Huh?” “What?” If they could save that confusion for the times that I really don’t make sense, that would be nice.  There are plenty of those times.

In the interest of being perfectly clear we tend to keep it simple around here.  Spaghetti and meatballs, grilled cheese, imagine the mass confusion if I had said, “Hey, do you want saffron tomato seafood stew with a grilled portobello salad?” We’d all starve by the time we had it figured out. “Do we get bowls or plates? I don’t get it.”

Now, with my boys, I’ve all but given up on the spoken language and have gone directly to actions to try and communicate my wishes.

For the man child: If I leave a broom and a dust pan in the middle of your room it means, please sweep so I can see the floor.  It does NOT mean:  Hey, if you carve the end of the broom to a sharp point, and then light the bristles on fire you’d have one kick ass flaming sword.

Your Mother would never, ever suggest this.

And for the older man child:  After almost twenty years of marriage:  Car parts and tools delivered to the shop door make me smile, and that smile means, “Honey, I’m so glad you are taking the time to enjoy a hobby that you truly love”.

Car parts and tools left on the kitchen counter? “Hey, could you take these outside next time you go?” They are a little in the way of my making mushroom filet mignon with lobster macaroni and cheese (or just macaroni and cheese, whichever).

Car parts and tools left tightly tucked up against the front door, creating a fire hazard because it’s impossible to open the door to the outside without having them physically in your hand and moving them?

“YOU HAVE AN ENTIRE SEPARATE FLIPPING BUILDING FOR THESE!!!!!!!!!!!”

Hypothetical, of course.